NdukuOutLoud

On Love as Mirror, Connection as Bridge.

I have been wondering : is it possible to love someone into loving yourself?

Not loving them so much that they start loving you ( we know it doesn’t work that way). I mean loving them so much that you start loving yourself, too.

I know, I know, popular belief is that you have to love yourself first. Because how the hell how are you going to love them if you don’t even know how to do that to yourself. That even loving your neighbour as you love yourself implies that you need to be a finished product before you can invite someone else in.

But what if it’s not sequential? What if it’s like writing as you listen to music, or walking as you talk to yourself? You love them as you love yourself. At the same time. You don’t wait until you’re fixed.

Because loving ourselves is rarely easy. We know ourselves too well. We have the secrets that keep us up at night and decisions we made that still make us question what we’re truly capable of. We look in the mirror and see the skeletons, and we assume everyone else is looking at their own, too.

And that’s the thing—they are. Everyone’s got their own share of closets.

And when you love somebody, eventually, they let you in. And there’s this weird relief in that. You realize you aren’t the only one who has made a mess of things. You realize that maybe, if you show them yours, they won’t run—they’ll understand. Sometimes they do. Other times they don’t.

But when you love, you don’t run. You stay. You understand. You don’t judge. You make room for them, and they make room for you.

I saw a post somewhere that said love is just finding someone who makes room for your baggage, right next to theirs.

It’s such a beautiful thought. It acknowledges that we all have our stuff. That we’re probably going to be carrying it around for a long time. And then maybe, someday, when we’re both ready, we can sit down and unpack. We can get rid of the things we don’t need anymore—together.

And that is what I meant when I said that I think it’s possible to love someone into loving yourself.

You see the grace you’re willing to extend. The patience you exercise. The forgiveness you dish out. Do it long enough, and you get familiar with the depths of your own love. You get better at letting them be.

And then you start doing it to yourself, too.

You let them see you. And maybe you realize you were never that bad after all. And that baggage we talked about? They help you unpack it.

So, next time you get worried that you don’t love yourself enough to get into relationship—or that you need to heal more before you can let someone in—remember that you are worthy of it. You are enough as you are. And they are probably just as twisted, if not more, than you are.