This one.
Not because it’s perfect. Not because it’s easy. But because it’s intentional.
Sure, the novelty would wear off. I don’t expect the magic to feel quite the same the second time around. But I wouldn’t mind doing this again-not for the age itself( though being younger wouldn’t hurt), but for the age-ing if that makes sense. The process. The becoming.
Yes, I didn’t just land here and it’s a culmination of every version I’ve ever been. I grew here. Stumbled, stretched, and slowly stepped into this space. And now, life isn’t just happening to me. I’m participating. I’m choosing. Showing up.
There are curveballs, of course. Surprises that knock the breath out of me. But this time, they don’t knock me out. I’ve built some considerable resilience. Not from grand gestures, but from small, daily promises. Promises I make to myself first. Promises I try to keep. And when I can’t, I communicate. That alone is growth.
I used to struggle with promises-especially the ones made to me. I still do, if I’m honest. There’s something about broken promises that bruises deeper than it should. But now, I keep mine. Almost always. And that has sort of been the foundation of everything else.
I feel like when you keep the promises you make to yourself-to be better, to do better, to take the next steps toward who you want to become-everything else starts to align. The external becomes less chaotic when the internal is anchored.
So maybe I don’t need to re-live this year. Maybe I just need to keep living it this way.
With intention. With grace. With the quiet courage to keep becoming.
NdukuOutLoud 
Leave a comment