NdukuOutLoud

Fear as a guide, and why I am keeping mine.

Why would I?

I used to think- and plenty of us still do- that fear and self -doubt are character flaws- weaknesses that need to be excised. That to be the “best version” of myself, to live a great life. Then I need to be fearless.

And look, it sounds great on paper. Walking around without a fear in the world. Not of failure, not of success, not of loss. Just out there living a “fearless” like.

But that doesn’t sound like fun.

Maybe I’m just looking for reasons to hold onto mine, but it feels so much more rewarding to do something I’m terrified of and actually enjoy it on the other side. Think about giving a speech – that shaky voice at the start, and the way it finds its footing halfway through. Or even if it stays shaky the whole time? But still finished.

What would be the fun in being able to do everything without the friction of fear?

Also, I think fear provides a kind of control. It’s a reminder of consequences. The check- in that keeps us aligned. Fear of punishment keeps us honest; fear of loss keeps us cautious ; even the fear of poverty keeps us planning for a rainy day. It forces you to live in a way that avoids those consequences or or it drives you straight into the situation where you have to confront them.

I don’t know why we always pair fear and self-doubt together. Maybe it’s the assumption that if you’re afraid, you must also be doubting yourself. That by not doing the thing, you’re admitting you don’t have enough faith in your ability to survive it.

And there it is- that word I was trying to avoid: Faith.

Is faith the opposite of fear, or is it its triumph? Can we have faith and still be afraid? I don’t know.

But self-doubt? I think that’s necessary, too. It’s a check-and-balance system. I don’t mean the kind that cripples you, but the kind that keeps you in the sweet spot between arrogance and humility.

Maybe fear and self-doubt don’t need to be “handled.” Maybe they’re just guiding lights. Indicators that we are stepping into unfamiliar territory. We felt the fear and did the thing anyway last year, and here we are again-feeling the fear, and doing the thing anyway.