NdukuOutLoud

“You can take the boy out of the village, but you can’t take the village out of the boy.”

We say this often-usually with a chuckle or a sigh-when someone brings their “village mannerisms” into more urban or sophisticated settings. It’s rarely meant kindly. It implies backwardness, a failure to adapt. But if we’re honest, no one wants to be out of place. No one chooses to be unsophisticated. We all want to fit in, to belong.

Then there’s the other saying: it takes a village to raise a child.

This one to emphasise that the ‘village’ in the boy took effort. Not a solo act. It’s a communal responsibility. A child is shaped not just by parents, but by neighbours,  teachers, elders, and peers. The village becomes the blueprint for identity.

What if there’s more to both sayings. That they’re not just about behaviour or parenting-but about identity itself?

We are shaped by our villages.

Not just the physical ones with huts and fences, but the cultural ones. The emotional ones. The ideological ones. The village tells us who we are. It praises certain traits and discourages others. And we, wanting to belong, internalise those values. We carry them with us-sometimes proudly, sometimes unknowingly.

These identities can be empowering.  But they can also be limiting. They push us forward only as far as the village allows. And when we begin to desire more- new ways of thinking, living, and being- we often find ourselves in conflict. We realize that the village gave us what worked for them, not necessarily what works for us. We start to question the rules, the traditions, the warnings.

We discover that some of the things we were told not to do were rooted in fear, not truth. In control, not care.

This isn’t to say that all culture is wrong. But if we’re being honest, many decisions made in communities are not for the benefit of all. They’re for the preservation of the familiar. The safe. The controllable.

A long time ago, a village was a cluster of huts. Mostly, family. Shared customs. Shared identity.

Now, most of it is online. It’s global. It’s made of people we’ve never met, shaping our thoughts, our children, our futures. That has its risks. But it also has It’s gifts: we can choose our village now.

We can shop for ideas. We can seek out communities that align with who we truly are. We can build identities that aren’t handed down but consciously chosen. We don’t have to inherit everything-we can curate.

So the question becomes:

What village are you carrying? And what village are you building?