NdukuOutLoud

I feel like a fraud sometimes. I find myself worrying about personal growth, setting goals, and becoming a better version of myself, while the world outside seems to unravel. The political turmoil in my country is palpable. And not just my country, I am currently surrounded by neighbors up in arms. Against either their governments or fighting for what they believe belongs to them. And even worse things are happening far across. So much death. So much to be concerned about and so little I feel I can do to make a difference. And yet, I’m still troubled by the not doing.

A revolution-they say, is either happening or in the verge. A revolution being engineered by a fearless generation-one younger than my own. I envy their boldness, their confidence, their ability yo create trends that may seem silly at first but often carry profound messages. They stand together, support one another and dare to shake the world. It’s inspiring, enviable. I see my daughter growing up in an era filled with so much courage and defiance, and I marvel at what she might become.

I wish i were as fearless. Sometimes wondering if the timid child I was, encouraged to be polite and quiet, ahs hindered the bold adult I could have become. Maybe if those ahead of me stood a little taller, braver-would I now be at the frontline of change, instead of here, wishing I could?

But I am learning. Slowly. Learning how to express myself, to stand for what I believe in. Learning that disagreement doesn’t have to breed hatred-it simply means we see the world differently. And that’s okay. I am learning to accept that life is messy and imperfect. That my longing for a perfectly peaceful world may never be fully realized.

Still, I’m choosing hope. As I aim to be a little more compassionate ever day, I choose to believe that others are doing the same. That maybe my small efforts at kindness, at being more accommodative, inspires another to do the same. And then somehow, someday, it will might be a world full of compassionate folks.

Someday, maybe.