NdukuOutLoud

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

The first thing that came to mind when I saw red flags was my non communicative  ex-boyfriend. Because if we’re being honest- lack of communication is one of the top five red flags in any relationship. Romantic, platonic, professional-name it. And I wanted to say, loudly, that I don’t tolerate non-communicative partners.

But then I paused.

Because not too long ago, I was terrible at that same thing. Not that I am perfect now-but there’s a difference. Im trying. I’m aware. I’m  evolving.

And that thought cracked something open.

How easy it is to spot red flags in others while ignoring the ones we wave ourselves. It’s human nature, I think. We judge others more harshly than we do ourselves. We want grace, but forget to extend it.

I was tempted to preach: “Don’t judge. Be kind. Be gracious.” But then realized – maybe being told what to do by someone who sounds self-righteous is your red flag.

Fair enough.

Personally, I’m not the best judge of character. The broken relationships and the handful of friendships in adulthood can attest. Maybe because I have my own red-flaggish traits – but don’t we all?

And there’s the non-negotioable stuff – violence, abuse, cruelty.

But others? They’re personal. They require time, context, and a little grace to understand. Turns out, most folks don’t wave theirs proudly. They’re hidden. Tucked in, hoping no one notices. These arise due to a multitude of factors. Characters are shaped by a thousand unseen forces. Some are inherited, some are learned, and some- well, some we could do without.

Then I wondered:

Why not black?or grey? Or any color that doesn’t scream love and roses? Maybe that’s why we stay, even when the warning signs are waving. Red is passion. Red is danger. Confusing, isn’t it?

But here’s the thing. Or rather my thing:

We all carry traits that could be red flags to someone else. My ultimate red flag is when we forget this and get stuck in our own definitions of “right,”. When we forget that life is not black and white- it’s a spectrum.

If nothing else-

Just be kind.

To others. To yourself.

To the flags you see, and the ones you fly.