NdukuOutLoud

“Are you Happy?”

We get asked this question a lot lately.

We ask it too-our friends, our family, our partners. We observe, trying to tell if someone dear to us is happy. We worry when they’re not. We ask questions, suggest activities, share memes, and do our best to lift their spirits. When our partners seem distant or not quite themselves, we fuss and stress and wonder if it’s something we did. Some people ask directly. I make a list of everything I could’ve done wrong and worry myself into sadness. Then we talk about it. Childish? Maybe. But I’m working on it.

We ask ourselves too. Take stock of our feelings. We even have apps now-digital diaries for our emotions, tracking how we feel throughout the day. Of course we’re not thrilled about Susan’s “polite reminder” with our boss CC’d on a Friday afternoon. Come on, Susan. But we’re ecstatic when the job application goes through and we land an interview.

We’ve got all these ways to chase happiness now. Hobbies. Hikes. Trips. Walks. Journaling. Quality time. I do not take any of it for granted. I do it too-and it works. But it doesn’t mean we don’t feel other things too.

And most of the time, when we ask and get asked “Are you happy?” it’s easy to list all the reasons we’re not. And even easier to assume happiness is a solo emotion. That it’s binary. Yes or no.

I don’t think that’s true.

I think happiness is kind. Gracious. It can coexist with other emotions.

We can be worried about bills and still happy that I get to try and solve it.

Anxious about the blue ticks and still happy that I care.

Exhausted by my work and questioning my career choices, yet still happy that I have a job to question.

Happiness does not mean gleeful. It is a state of satisfaction and well-being.

So maybe next time we’re asked and we hesitate-thinking of all the ways we’re not happy-remember that we can be going through all those things happily.

How do we do that?

Still figuring it out myself.