NdukuOutLoud

On the Art of showing up

This prompt hits like the “tell me more about yourself” question. Where I get asked, go blank and suddenly even I am trying to remember even my name.

I have grown older, of course, because the time has passed. But that’s not what the prompt is actually asking, is it?

But if you asked me how I haven’t grown, I could give you a list.I am, like most of us, inflicted with the human tendency to focus on what doesn’t go right. Maybe I’m just being hard on myself, fearing that if I start applauding my own progress, I’ll get too comfortable and stop doing the work.

But one thing is true for me now: I show up.

I show up for myself. For my friends. For my family. For everything I hold dear. And I’ve learned that “showing up” doesn’t mean I have to be at 100% capacity every time. I can’t always be gassed up and ready to go, and I have stopped expecting that of myself.

If I am at 20%-if that is all the energy I have-I show up with that 20% and do the thing. And if I am at 100%, then lucky me. Lucky them. I show up with the 100%.

This shift has changed everything. It means that how others respond to my presence is no longer my primary focus. I know I have my own expectations of people, and they have theirs of me, but I’ve realized I cannot be everything to everyone. Being there for others shouldn’t mean going beyond what I am actually capable of.

Sure, there are moments that require me to go above and beyond what is “enough.” But that isn’t the baseline anymore.

Now, I know when to stop. I know where my graces end.