I’d tell her to make her own plans and stick to them. Not to follow and go along with what everybody thinks is good for her. But to actually find that out for herself. To stop trying to maintain the good girl mask. The agreeable one. The obedient one. And start making her own choices.
To not worry about disappointing people—if anything, to do it sooner. So the pressure to be perfect reduces. The expectations lessen and she can then go out there and be herself. Not recklessly, of course. With caution. With structure. With some plan for the future that she sticks to.
Oh, and they don’t have it all figured out either. Those folks you’re afraid to disappoint. Those ones who keep pressuring you with questions of what you have planned and admonishing you for a few small mistakes—judging you. They don’t have all the answers either.
Most of them are just trying to make sense of the world. Most have been handed down maps and ideas and expectations—just like you. They are scared to do different—just like you. Afraid of disapproval and being disbanded from the band. Chased away—kinda like you, right now. So it’s really not their fault. Not entirely.
And you’ll end up just like them if you choose to follow. Choose to stay small. Choose to keep your mouth shut and your ideas secret.
Don’t.
This does not mean, though, that everything will work out as you have planned. Although I wish it did. But guess what, it will be much better to try. To do it your way. To give it your all. Regardless of what the outcome will be. Life will do a number on you-because that’s life. But you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Braver.
And before I forget. Those dear friends. Those ones loving you through the turmoil of figuring yourself out. Hold on to them. Love them. Grow with them. Forgive them. Not for what they do for you-but for who they are and for who you are with them and who you will be to each other. In good, in bad, in messed up times. They stay. So make room for them. Don’t be too scared to open up that you push their love away. You know that figuring out we said you’ll be doing for a while-it’s better with them.
I see the questions in your eyes. You wanna know about the boy. The one you’re so in love with right now. The one. You’ve been dreaming up your life together. Already pictured what your family will be like and you can’t wait to start.
I’d like to let you find that out by yourself. But I will tell you this:
Remember the ones that chose to stay.
NdukuOutLoud 
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