NdukuOutLoud

Moods, Music and Eminem

I don’t have one. And the answer should really just end there.

But I have a few more things to say.

I know a lot of music. From everywhere. And it’s humbling to realize that what I know doesn’t even scratch the surface of what’s out there. I love finding ‘new’ music – which, let’s be honest, usually just means a song that’s already got half a million listeners and I’m just late to the party. I get jealous of the people who found it before me. And I get even more jealous of the people who will get to hear it for the first time after me.

I’m also just amazed by the process of making a song. The writing, the chorus, the hook. The notes. But mostly the beats. It’s genius. It’s God in action – writing a thought and pairing it with the perfect pulse. I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a song and thought ‘the beat could’ve been better.’ Okay, maybe I have. But it was probably because I’d already heard the beat in another song and it felt like a ghost in the wrong room.

Here’s the thing: Music doesn’t determine the mood I’m in. My mood determines the music.

I won’t be feeling like crap and then go find a song to cheer me up. Not right away. First, I’m going to find the saddest song I know and listen to it. I want to feel sadder. I’ll hunt for songs that match the mess in my head just to feel that weird relief that someone else was able to put my feelings into words. Or is it that they’re the ones capturing me?

Same goes for when I’m happy, or just drifting. I look for the music that fits the season. And I’m obsessive – like how you find an author you love and then you have to read every single thing they’ve ever written. That’s me. If I’m in a rap era, I’m just going to consume every bit of it until I’m full. Then I move on to rock, or blues, and the cycle starts over. Honestly, it’s a lot like my relationships.

Right now, I’m in a Not Afraid (Eminem) phase. This is the bit I’m stuck on:

But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out 
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't,
this fuckin' black cloud still follows me around
but it's time to exercise these demons 
These muh'fuckers are doin' jumpin' jacks now...

Insert Chorus

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today I'm breaking out of this cage 
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm mannin' up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

What’s your jam?