NdukuOutLoud

Why the Process Shapes Us More Than the Destination.

How do you know when you’ve found that which you’ve been seeking, if you don’t even know what you were looking for? And what happens when what you find is not what you hoped for-or it shows up in a way you didn’t expect? What then? Do we keep seeking, or do we settle for what we get?

I’m not talking about partners or jobs here. Though, let’s be honest, in those areas clarity is essential. In relationships, you need to know what you’re looking for before you put yourself out there. Same with jobs. Are you chasing more money (mostly true), growth opportunities (sometimes true, but it has to be said), or adventure (yes folks, some people do search for jobs for adventure)? It’s always good to know what you’re looking for before you start. That way, you’ll recognize it when it finally ticks all the boxes.

This goes for goals, too. You need a target. You need to be clear about where you want to go-the location-so you can map out the routes and the way there. It’s much easier to plan with the destination in mind.

And honestly, that’s the easy stuff. If it’s money, you set a specific goal, identify how you’re going to raise it, and get on with it. Whether you stick to the plan or not is a matter of discipline and how badly you want that money. If it’s being a present parent, you carve out time for family, make schedules, read books on parenting, play with your children-actionable ideas you can practice.

But what happens when the seeking is spiritual, and there’s no blueprint for what that should feel like? We don’t expect to walk on water or have halos glowing above our heads. So how do we know when we’ve found what our soul is seeking?

The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. What it makes of you will always be the far greater value than what you get.

I’ve seen many people set goals to “become more spiritual.” I have, too. But is there an end to it? A level where you can say, “Now I’ve reached peak spirituality”? Or is it a lifelong process, something you just keep doing, with no final destination? Maybe it’s about the journey itself-the way the process shapes us, not the end result.

Actually, this is true for most goals. Yes, it’s wonderful to hit the target, to have the money, to be fit, to feel spiritual. But look at it this way:

• A fitness goal demands watching what you eat, exercising, and resisting what works against the goal. The discipline of waking up at 5:00 AM when the floor is cold matters more than the abs!
• And spirituality works the same way. Practices like meditation, journaling, and artistic expression don’t make us “the most spiritual in the room.” They make us calmer, kinder, easier to be around. They help us manage our thoughts and emotions, and they ripple outward into how we treat others.

The true value, as Shoaff noted, is in what the journey makes of us. We are the clay, not just the pot at the end of the wheel. ‘Peak spirituality’ can be taking a breath before responding to a toddler tantrum (me) or keeping your middle finger to yourself when you’d rather show it to that reckless driver.

So perhaps we can stop staring at the horizon for a sign that we’ve ‘arrived’ and start looking at the quiet grace in our own hearts. The destination is just a dot on a map; the becoming is the life we actually get to live.