NdukuOutLoud

From childhood circles to digital feeds–how our choices define us.

Growing up, my mother always had strong opinions about the friends I kept. Not just mine, but my siblings’ too. Somehow, she rarely approved of the ones we chose for ourselves. Maybe it was her Christian upbringing, maybe the teacher in her, or maybe simply the environment we lived in. Looking back now, I realize it was mostly about where we were-surrounded by all kinds of people, and she was probably doing her best to make sure her children remained unscathed.

At the time, I didn’t see it that way. I sulked, I got angry, I felt misunderstood. Being told to stop hanging around certain friends felt unfair. And maybe that’s why I ended up with only a handful of close ones-or maybe it’s just my own difficulty with vulnerability and forming lasting bonds. Who knows?

“Like friendships, feeds are choices. And choices shape us.”

Fast forward to today, and friendship looks different. Now I get to choose my friends-or rather, we choose each other. And not all of them live in my neighbourhood. Some I’ve never met in person. Others I might have met, but thanks to endless filters online, I wouldn’t recognize them if we crossed paths on the street.

In some ways, it feels easier now. We connect over shared humor, shared frustrations, shared politics. That’s enough to spark something. If it doesn’t last, then it’s just likes, re-shares, and forwards.

But this small virtual world is vast. It holds everything—every kind of person, every kind of information. And the moment you like one post, tomorrow it arrives with all its siblings. One minute you’re watching a video about Eve and the Bible, the next you’re tumbling down a rabbit hole where religion is dismissed as a scam and life itself feels like a conspiracy. It’s a slippery slope.

What’s more unsettling is how invisible the process feels. We scroll, we consume, and before long, it shapes us. What we expose ourselves to builds or destroys our sense of self—not just now, but in the days ahead. It influences our emotions, our decisions, our trajectory. Videos of growth inspire growth. Videos of cynicism breed cynicism. It’s not just trends—it’s our whole life.

And just like choosing friends in the physical world, what we consume virtually is in our hands. Quite literally. We decide who stays, who speaks into our lives, who promotes the kind of person we’re trying to become. And we can remove everything else. That’s the power we hold.

So, if you log into your socials right now-what do the first ten posts say? Are they building or breaking? Creating faith or sowing doubt? Do they reflect the life you’re trying to build, or do they stand in the way of it? Do they encourage, or do they tear down?

Sift through. Choose. Decide.