NdukuOutLoud

Of Single motherhood and Balancing Acts.

Parenting is demanding. Exhausting. Uncertain. You’re never sure if you’re doing too much or too little. One moment you fear you’re spoiling the child, the next you wonder if you’re withholding love. Striking the balance feels less like a skill mastered than a pendulum swinging wildly.

For single mothers, that pendulum swings harder. Society doesn’t just call us “mothers.” It insists on labeling us “single mothers,” as though our marital status must always precede our identity. But what does it really mean to “play both roles”?

Across cultures, mothers have always been handed the responsibility of raising children-not only in feeding and keeping them healthy, but also in discipline, character, and behavior. In our culture, a good child is often credited to the father, while a misbehaving child is said to have been spoiled by the mother. It’s in sayings, scripture, and proverbs: “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother.” Or in Swahili: “Asiyefunzwa na mamaye, hufunzwa na ulimwengu.” The burden is clear.

And yet, the same society that expects mothers to raise children looks down on those who do it alone. We cannot just be mothers if we’re single; our relationship status must be dragged into it.

Traditionally, men were expected to provide, women to nurture. But in single‑mother households, those roles collapse into one body. Rent, school fees, food, emotional support, bedtime stories-all of it rests on her shoulders. And beyond that, the invisible roles: disciplinarian and cuddler, planner and playmate, protector and encourager.

This is the double‑edged role of single motherhood: responsibility and love, discipline and comfort, provision and nurture. Roles never meant to be carried by one person alone. And yet, here we are. Doing both. Or at least trying to.

Maybe the harder question is not whether we’re doing enough, but why society insists on measuring us differently. Or is it only the mother’s responsibility when there’s someone else to take credit for the good work?