NdukuOutLoud

Of the many ideas I bought into while on this journey of self-discovery, is the “you can’t pour from an empty cup” ideology. It’s one of those self-care mantras that gets repeated often. An emphasis on self-care, on looking after ourselves first. Then filling others later. The idea is simple enough- take care of yourself first, then you’ll have something to give to others.

And honestly, it makes sense. You really can’t pour anything from an empty cup. Unless, of course, you’re at a tea party with your child and her friends, serving imaginary tea and doughnuts she “baked” herself. In that case, the cup can be empty and still overflowing with joy. But outside of that? Empty cup, no pouring.

But I have been thinking, that I-and many others-thought this then meant that we can only pour from a full cup. You know us, the opposite of empty is full—I hope. And if I can’t pour from an empty one, then it has to be a full one.

The Mission to Fill

So we got on the mission. A mission to fill our cups first. To take care of ourselves. Sometimes we wonder if it’s really getting full, other times we just go with the flow. And other times, it’s just stuff that we’re supposed to do. Who cares if it’s filling the cup or not.

Then, as if that’s not bad enough, with what we’re supposed to fill our cup with—nobody said. But it’s good stuff—mostly. Other times it’s hate and propaganda and demeaning others and despair. Oh—you thought we can only fill it with delicious tea? Oh no, it could be full… of crap! But people are out here filling their cups with not-so-delicious tea—and then pouring it out onto others.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Full

But that’s beside what I was really thinking about. Which is-it doesn’t have to be full first. And it might never be truly full. And that doesn’t mean we can’t pour a little love, a little care here and there.

I think that as human beings, we are supposed to be pouring into each other constantly. That it’s a little milk from here, and water from there, and pouring some tea into another cup that makes the whole process delightful. That we don’t have to wait until our cup runs over before we can start pouring into others. It’s even better when we’re all filling up together and helping each other get full.

Choosing the Table

And it is very important to ensure that you are seated at a table where they’re serving and sharing tea-if that’s your kind of thing. And you’re right, this is not about tea. It’s about trying as much as possible to be around people who are filling themselves up with your kind of stuff. And who would want you to pour into them, as they do you. Otherwise, it’s all pointless.

Caring for the Cup

What is entirely up to us-I think (today, at least)-is the cup. Knowing if it can hold hot drinks or cold ones. Or how long after the hot can we put the cold. Knowing which drinks it can hold best and which ones it would rather not. And taking care of the cup is just as important, if not more important, than filling it up.

Closing Thought

Maybe the point isn’t to wait until our cups are overflowing, but to keep pouring—little by little, imperfectly, together. Because the joy isn’t in the fullness, it’s in the sharing.