NdukuOutLoud

“I’ll chase this with some Coca-Cola” -these marked the start of my weekend rhythm. This would be either some Whiskey or Gin- depending on the mood. They are not as frequent as they used to be-the weekends- and there’s a part of me that misses it though. Not the drinks themselves, but the release that comes with. The freedom. The kind of freedom that’s only accessible through a slight fog.

“Free from what?” you may be wondering. A couple of things actually but that’s a story for another day.

Then there’s the modified burpee. The one I gravitate to. The modified exercises. Not the full body collapse and launch, but the safer, quieter version. And I have noticed I do this with most things-choose the easier tip, the softer task, the halfway effort.

And now I wonder; Is it fear of failing? Or lack of drive to go all out? Or both?

But here’s the thing-I want out.

Out of toe-dip living. Out of half-heartedness. Out of relationships that never fully step in. I want a life that’s full-bodied. Full-souled. All in.

I may not have a clear plan on how to. But I am exploring a few things: One unmodified activity a week, unfiltered journal entries, showing up fully to everything. Simple steps. I am also learning that not all modifications are cop-outs. Some are strategic. Also learning to tell the difference.

When I sat down to write this today, I wanted to explore our fondness for the easy path. I say our-because I still hope it’s not just me. But this turned out like one of those raw unfiltered journal entries I just committed to.

And maybe that’s the point.

This desire to be better. To do better. To live wider. It’s not weakness-it’s life humming. Proof that somewhere inside, we believe we could give more. Not for applause. Not for perfection. But because we were meant to.

Maybe the day we stop yearning for better..is the day we stop truly living.