NdukuOutLoud

Adulting, as I continue to learn it, seems to be an act of balancing.

Work-life balance that we hear so much about-how important it is, how we must prioritize it-but the more we strive for it, the more elusive it seems. The effort to succeed, to grow, to upskill in our careers often clashing with the desire to be present at our children’s school events or deliver a high-stakes presentation without sacrificing family time.

In romantic relationships too. There’s a fine line between being attentive and being overbearing. Between giving a partner space and being perceived as indifferent. Striking that balance not always very easy.

And there’s time. Time that we have to spend wisely, carefully. Just the right amount dedicated to all that’s ours to do. We should not pour too much of it into hobbies that we neglect our responsibilities. Yet, without these same activities-we risk losing ourselves in routine and stop feeling as alive as we should.

But today, I thought about a different kind of balance: emotional intelligence and authenticity.

Emotional intelligence wasn’t always part of mainstream conversations. It existed, but it was either undervalued or unspoken. According to google, it is the ability to manage both our own emotions and understand the emotions of those around us: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills

Very valuable skills, but where do the end? and at what point does emotional intelligence start to chip away at authenticity?

I hesitated before sharing this blog with friends. Not because I doubted their sincerity, but because I knew their response would be overwhelmingly positive. They are wonderful people-gifts I’m grateful for everyday- but they would almost feel obligated to encourage me, even if they didn’t truly connect with my words. Their kindness, while appreciated, might obscure the honesty I crave.

It’s something we all face in various aspects of life. At work, we shape our words carefully to avoid offending superiors while still voicing alternative opinions. In friendships, we soften our thoughts to protect feelings. We craft our responses, choosing diplomacy over bluntness, encouragement over critique. But does that make us inauthentic?

Or maybe the real question is why we adjust in the first place.

Are we holding back out of fear-of rejection, conflict? Or are we refining our words because we genuinely ant our message to be received in the most constructive way? Perhaps authenticity isn’t just about raw honesty: but about honoring our values while being mindful of others. Yet another balancing act.

It is not about choosing one over the other: It’s about knowing when to adapt and when to stand firm. Maybe balance isn’t a fixed state, but a continuous act-a dance between self-expression and understanding.

And maybe, that’s the real work of adulthood.