NdukuOutLoud

I was never one to believe that we’re all born with set destinies or a purpose that we have to fulfill before we die. Maybe because I did not want to believe I had one then fail at it. Or because I question the true giver of said purpose. Or maybe because it’s a concept that was introduced a bit later in life. Key was survival. And I’m not saying that I do now. But lately, with introspection, exposure to more and more stories of people chasing their dreams and with age, I am starting to question my previously firm belief. And no, its not because I think I have found mine.

We all seem to want the same things lately. Lots of money, loving family(spouse/child), stable jobs, happiness. Oh how we want to be happy.(Without first asking why we’re not). We’re told what we should want as we grow older. And this expectations and pressures shape so much of our lives that more often than not, we chase their ideas and set aside our true dreams and passions. So far aside that we start doubting we ever had any. We no longer do the things that set our hearts on fire, or even try to find said things, unless, of course, it pays.

And like the old high school dress that doesn’t fit so well anymore, if at all, these borrowed dreams are uncomfortable. And it shows in different ways: the mental exhaustion of having to wake up to go to that office every day, the emotional imbalance of being stuck around people who do not want the same things you do, the regret and feelings of unfulfillment at the end of every year when we’re taking stock of what we actually wanted to do but never did. It’s all there.

Do we want what we think we want, or are we living our lives on borrowed dreams? This life that we acknowledge is short, but somehow, we keep doing or not doing things that we want to do as if we have forever. Are we okay with the discomfort of ill-fitting dresses, or should we get out there and find ones that fit?

I’m not saying we quit our jobs, atleast not yet. But we need to look and see if there are areas in our lives where we’re living out dreams that aren’t ours. Chasing passions that we don’t enjoy. And then find a way, even in small ways, to do the things we actually love. Not letting months and years go by without doing the things we love. And most importantly, discovering why we’ve not gone swimming for months on end even though we claim that we love it. Do we or is it borrowed?