NdukuOutLoud

I read. I have been reading. I’m not into research papers yet. But I am almost there. I pick up books at random maybe the cover, the author or just the vibe. But I was not ready for The Conscious parent by Shefali Tsabary.

From the introduction all the way to the last page. This book has been page after page of new revelations new ideas and guidelines.

It focuses mostly on our growth, with our children guiding us on this journey. You might be wondering, “How can my temperamental 2-year-old or my overly energetic and independent 4-year-old currently throwing fits cause she doesn’t want to sleep or my uncommunicative teenager who grumbles and is inattentive be anyone’s guide? They can barely keep their own shit together!

Well, Shefali says that kids know how to be. Their emotions are raw and true and in the moment and honest. We cannot do that. We worry about everything. Our looks, our neighbour’s opinion. What the mom-in law thinks and what everybody else will say.  Kids, on the other hand, do not give a fuck! They do it anyway. They will roll on the floor; they will curse, and they will embarrass us- and we hate it!

So how is that a good thing? How does this help us as parents? Shouldn’t they just stop being brats? Actually,they shouldn’t. It’s us who need to stop. We should stop thinking we know everything and that we always know best. Because, with all the pressure and the desire to fit in, and the need to always be on the right side of political correctness, we sometimes lose sight of what’s important. We get too worried about the future to notice that our child can draw. And too concerned with milestones to enjoy the beautiful everyday moments.

How do we stop?

Focus on the present.

Release all the expectations that you have of your child.

Understand that your emotional responses are more about you than them. Identify what their actions trigger and why and then work on it.

We teach more by example. We probably scream too when we don’t get our way. Why shouldn’t they?

And this one, “children are too egoistical to be thinking of us when they are acting out; they are only thinking of themselves. So don’t take it personally. Inappropriate behavior is a cry from the heart: Please help me.

And most importantly, they love you.