On Emotional Connections and inbuilt Erase buttons.
I should probably start with a confession: I haven’t been able to sit still and watch a movie for a couple of months- years, even. Nowadays, as soon as I sit down and get comfortable, I fall asleep. Maybe it comes with age, or the sheer exhaustion of life, or just having too much going on in my head to actually sit and enjoy something.
Or, perhaps, it’s just a different phase of life with different hobbies.
Most likely the latter. Because I used to love watching movies. And series. I could stay awake all night- a couple of nights in a row, even – just to finish a show, and then go about my day looking forward to the moment I finally got back home to continue. Ah, the good old days.
I should also tell you that I rarely remember what I watch a week, a month, or even a few hours later. Unless, of course, I see it again within a short period of time. Only then do the flashbacks come, a scene looks familiar, or a moment that struck me before strikes me again. I could bawl my eyes out during a film and not be able to tell you exactly why I was crying just a few hours after the credits roll.
There are movies, though, I wish I could experience again—now as an adult, with the growth, new information, and evolving outlook I have on life, parenting, and relationships.
I feel like maybe I would get them better now. I’d understand what the movie was really about compared to back then, when I feel like I just used to watch passively. There were no deep thoughts, no later analysis of themes.
Mainly, that was because I felt- and still feel- like overanalyzing sucks the fun out of a movie. Why bring complications into something that should just be enjoyed? Unless the writer explicitly states they were trying to bring a new perspective to single parenting, or that they were battling cancer and facing mortality, everything else we analyze is just perspective.
I have friends who remember the tiniest details- the precise blocking of a scene, the exact dialogue, what every character said. I envy them. It used to make me feel like I had the worst possible memory, leaving me wondering what I’ll be like in old age. But it turns out, it’s about more than just memory. While cognitive recall plays a role, there are other factors at play. And I think I have figured out why I don’t store enough movie memories to truly take advantage of the offer to ” erase and watch again.”
- Emotional Investment: (or lack thereof) I get deeply invested in series, which is why I retain much more memory when it comes to TV shows compared to films. I don’t think a standard two hours is enough time for me to truly connect with a movie’s characters.
- Emotional Impact: Because the time is so short, the emotional impact struggles to linger. Yes, I will feel like an ending was terrible or beautiful in the moment, but the feeling won’t stick around long enough to be permanently stored anywhere.
- Lack of Social Processing: I don’t usually discuss films or think critically about them with friends.
Lately, though, I am starting to think that maybe I should start processing them more. There is a lot to learn from cinema—about the world, and ultimately, about ourselves.
And as I finish writing this piece, I realize that if given the choice to wipe the slate clean and experience a film completely fresh, I really would love the chance to enjoy Lucy all over again.
NdukuOutLoud 
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